the essence of family: book

I don't think we need to convince people that "family" is worth reading and thinking about. Or that in our world many families are broken, torn and unstable. Kirsten Birkett places the family under a biblical worldview, in the flavour of the "essence" series. The concept of family needs particular defence in a place such as Australia. Our government in the past 10 years or so have seen the need to study, review and recommend policies on families, see for example the AIFS website. The Australian family or family groups are under strain, despite wealth and post-Christian "freedoms".

Just why does the world and history at large have used the traditional family as a structure for social organisation? Is it mere coincidence? Is it an evolutionary advantage? Is it mere social construction from an aeon of male-sexist domination? Does the idea of family exist or is it undefinable? These are seemingly fair questions. But, as Birkett argues, the big problem has been the refusal to use the historic, cross-cultural pattern of families (father, mother, children) as the model of comparison in our post-Christian age. As Christians, we know that this pattern is a God-given: it has existed from the act of Creation in Genesis. Yes, Judeo-Christian families have often strayed away from the monogamous type of family, but these were not ideal, or of God's preference. The New Testament pattern of family has a monogamous Husband-Wife structure, and some of us know the significance of this relationship in reflecting the faithful relationship between Christ and the Church. 

Birkett surveys how the refusal to accept a definition of family not only results in policy-making problems (how to support, fund, recognise families) but also in real, physico-social consequences (the effect on children, the hardship of broken or single-parent families). There are some historical myths, or plain lies, on perceptions of the pre- & post-industrial family life. Some of these fall in the realm of Feminist protestations against the role of women as wives, or as a non-wage-earning parent, and what women actually achieved in these families. There is also an interesting section on the homosexual lobby, who despite being a minority even in Asutralia, have been able to sway the debate of family definitions and parenting rights toward an acceptance or championing of same-sex parenting. Some reasonable doubts against the benefit of this type of "family" are the statistics on instability of same-sex relationships (especially male), its impact on children and also the developmental advantage children have from having male and female parents in a stable relationship. Other important discussions include the chapter on IVF and the legal and social complications it has created and the importance of biology in forming relationship, and which is being dismissed too easily today.

Just why has the world throughout its history formed such similar social structures as the family and why has it worked for so long? Could it be that the biblical pattern of monogamous parents leading the household of dependent biological or adopted children be actually a built-in norm? Can our current society reject this by simply labelling this family as "old", "outdated", "bigotted" or "socially constructed"? What are the effects of refusing to see this as a norm? In particular, how are children doing in our society as a result of the loss of this once-recognised social pattern? What are the reciprocal effects of IVF on children and the biological parents? Are women happier and better off as single parents, or full-time careerist parents? Is same-sex parenting a beneficial thing for children?

It might just be that our continual rejection of a God-giving pattern is just that: a rejection of a good pattern. Our social projects, experiments and (re)definitions have not provided us with a safer, happier and more stable society. Is it the pattern at fault? Or is it a hardness to face facts? Our future will be telling. I sincerely recommend the perusal of the first chapter of this book, which describes a workable picture of family. Ultimately, family reflects the personality of a relational God: God the Father and God the Son. The Father loves the Son and the Son His Father. The Father cares for the Son and the Son obeys and honours the Father. And God brings man into His family: the Church is the Bride that the Husband (Christ) cares for and nurtures. Our worldly pattern of families are helpful guides letting us see an eternal pattern, of God the Trinity and mankind, whom He rescues and adopts as His own children. This heavenly Family, owes its being to the Family within God Himself.

But for now, stick with Dad & Mum and the kids in a home where they can turn to and depend on.

Sending One of Us

It's not as sad as sending soldiers off to war, but there is something similar. On Sunday, our church NDCCCS sent our brother Jon Cheung off to South Africa to work with Working Hands, a Christian organisation that offers a wide range of community projects to meet the needs there. Something that Danny said made me think. He mentioned that it was because Jon had been with us so long that he was part of us, and when he goes, all of us are kind of going with him. Jon is leaving for 6months, may God be with him.

But I wondered what we would say if we sent someone who hadn't been with our church for long? Or if we had sent someone who is not from our church originally but have been offered assistance from our church, for example, one of the missionaries our church supports along with other churches in Sydney. What are our emotions, hopes and attitudes in that sort of sending?

I'd hope that our sending of any brother or sister, regardless of our personal friendship or relationship with them, would be filled with generosity, care, concern, prayerfulness and giving. For the gospel called all of us into one big mission: to promote the good news in whatever shape or form. And the gospel has brought about gospel communities (local churches), which are the bodies that send members out to do what these bodies desire. The member and body, ideally, have the one Spirit, compassion, mission and goal (c.c. Philippians 2:1). I haven't known Jon for long, but his being part of my local church, means that my prayers go with him, and so on. What primarily motivates us is the good news: it brings the unity that we feel, it encourages the diversity of ways in which we promote it, here and overseas. This surpasses even long friendships and comraderie from being in the same association, school or [local] "church". The good news thus creates the most sincere and warmest affections in other members of the body who do the sending.

I certainly felt this when attending the commissioning service of Charissa Mak (another friend from another church), who had left for Taiwan recently. There were not only church members present, but also members from her previous churches (including myself), college partners, mission society workers, other missionaries, etc. The common goal was the bringing of good news to the working people of Taiwan. Charissa was one of us and we were sending her. I haven't seen her for a while, let alone attended the same church, but the goal was mine. She is doing in Taiwan, what we here at home wish to do. Though we are not there physically, we are there in Spirit. I do not doubt that Paul had this in mind in Philippians 2:1.

This is how I understand and practise sending. I hope that you would join me in this.

Philippians 2:1-2

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."

1Corinthians 13 - A Praise of Love [snippets of talk]

"The 1Corinthians 13 passage is the nice passage we hear in weddings, funerals and poetry recitals. But it has been butchered and torn to bits because we often don't look at the context of Paul's words on love. We must ask: Why does Paul tell the Corinthians about love? Why does he do it here? What has been said before and after? The reason why Paul tells the Corinthians about love here is that Paul wants them to be serving each other at church in love. Yes, the reason of love is serving and the target of love is other brothers and sisters at church..."

"So we have to ask what does love look like? If we are to pursue life in the most excellent way we must know what love is and what it looks like. I would suggest that from the profile of love in verses 4-7, love is essentially other-person-seeking. Verse 5 gives me a summary: love is not self-seeking. The object of love is the good of others. If we start from that we can work out a beautiful portrait of love as all other features of love fit under this..."

"But we must not idolise love at this point and turn love into an idea we worship. Neither should we look inwardly at our hearts or around us to our loved ones to find what true love is. Paul and many other Apostles, such as John and Peter, have already given a definition of love. Love is what God has shown us in Jesus. We often call this story of love the gospel. If anyone asks me what is the greatest act of love I have experienced or known of, I would say what John said, that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Or something like... Love is when our creator God pursues us like a Father who's lost His precious Son. Love is when God comes to be with us in our dirt, shame, sin, bondage, disease, sickness, suffering and death in the person of Jesus. Love is when God gave us all of Himself in Jesus in sacrifice, to people who have rejected Him and spat on Him and swore at Him. Love is when Jesus willingly laid down His life for you and me so that we could be free from the guilt and punishment of our rebellious lives. Love is when God paid freely and completely for our debt in sin. Love is when God reconciles the whole world to Himself through Jesus even when we weren't willing to lift a finger to say sorry. Love is when God promises us the hope of new life from this crass and fallen world through Jesus' Resurrection. Love is when God by his Spirit grants us all that we need for living now under His rule as we wait for His return. Love will be when we children of God get to meet Him, the Creator, Judge, Saviour, Friend and Father, face to face forever in His glorious light. Do you wonder why John calls God love and that love and mercy is the character of God to Moses? Brothers and sisters, if you still are not moved by this love, pray that you do, or else you cannot taste the sweetness of Paul's words on living life in love. Our love depends on God's love for us, it starts and ends with Him. And His love seeks our good at His cost..."

"The greatest thing that separates love from other spiritual gifts and characteristics is that love never 'fails' according verse 8, or love never ends. Paul is speaking of the end times here. Love exists love as God has shown us, and the way of love will continue to exist when He returns, and when we live in eternity with Him. The excellent of way does not disappear but reappears and lasts for ever, even beyond this lifetime. Nothing else does, not any of our spiritual gifts. Love, however, does not end. God does not cease to be loving in Heaven, He displays greater and even more love in other ways, just you wait. We've tasted His love on the Cross, we'll feast on His love at the Resurrection, and in eternity we continue to celebrate and experience His love when we see him face to face. This is how we understand 'love never fails' in verse 8..."

"But love never fails, love never ends. It is the only thing that does not cease. Bible studies cease, tongues cease, teaching ceases, talks cease. But God's love and His way of other-person-seeking love, does not end. What we participate now is a part of God's eternal nature. As we seek the good of others now, we experience what God will eternally grant to us in heaven. You want a taste of heaven, love your brother or sister now. This experience I guarantee you from God's word, is a taste of eternity and all its joys. That is why even faith and hope give way to love as spiritual characteristics. As Christians we hope for the coming of perfection, but when perfection comes, we no longer need to hope but we celebrate the consummation of all our hopes. As Christians, we trust and depend on God's promises through faith. But when God's promises are fulfilled, our trust is made complete and we celebrate God's gift of trust to us. But as we love one another because we have tasted God's love, we begin an eternal work, experience and enterprise that never ends. Will God stop showing us His love in heaven, certainly not! Will we stop delighting in the loves shown to us by other children of God, never! You cannot get enough of this love. Will there be less opportunities to seek the good of others in the future, never. You will have all the time, energy, creativity to pour out your love for others and for God. We will find it easier to love, boast in each other, give thanks for each other, serve one another, even as God has served us. Love does not end but continues in eternity as the most excellent way to live with each other to praise of God."

These are some snippets of the talk, click the opening sentence for the link to a google doc. There were quite a few youth at Clay.NSCCCS today. I was again impressed by the presentation of the songs: there were background pictures to every song, not just a coloured page. Roberta even wrote one herself.

BTW I think we are in dire need of confessional songs or songs about repentance and turning back. Anyone interested in writing one with me?

Newsletters for non-full-time ministers or missionaries?

I love reading news and newsletters, especially from friends and family. They make perfect materials for prayer, and are means by which we can care for brothers and sisters, friends and colleagues.

Many of my christian friends move onto full-time ministry, training and missionary work in different countries. And all of them write and report back how they have been, what they have been doing and how we can support them. They often share personal reflections and needs, to a close group of praying friends as they march on in their work. This made me think, why don't lay (full-time secular workers and students) christians publish newsletters or prayer requests as frequently and personally as such friends?

I don't see a good reason. Every christian has been called to be an active servant, through the saving work of Jesus, the Servant King, who by His sacrificial service made us all fit for serving God and His people. And every christian needs the prayers of their close ones. Although I don't want us to spend less time praying for people on the "frontline" of churches, mission fields, bible colleges, training and christian enterprises, I do wish that we could pray with equal fervour for fellow lay christians in ministries and struggles on the "backbench" of homes, offices, hobby groups, departments and so on.

Perhaps I will add a sister blog to bachnwill's randoms: bachnwillndan - serving our home and church in sydney, dedicated to updating our faithful family and friends on how we are, what we are doing and how they can support us. Of course, blogging or writing emails is not required when we just talk and hang out with friends and partners, unlike our christian friends overseas; blogging is just another way of talking.

Comments appreciated : )

p.s. a definite expansion of this blog is promised, titled bachnwillnmedia, where I'll put down my responses to books, movies, websites and other media.