the end of the blog

this will be the last entry of my blog on blogger. all blogs will be on http://bachnwill.wordpress.com. I have been reproducing all posts held here there.

Knowing versus Knowing about

Tonight is the first night in ten that I've taken myself off amitriptyline for pain, so I hope to write a little on this theme that has been hovering over my mind of late.

How do you know that you know someone, or know something? This sounds so simple but is so important. Have you ever questioned whether you really knew someone or something. I do, constantly. I just want to be sure, about the big things of course, and about the small things.

I think I know a little about medicine and human physiology, a little with a huge chasm of ignorance to fill. I also learned about pain in my anaesthetic training. But did I really know it? Sure in a sense. I learned about how to manage neuropathic pain in chronic pain-patients at Nepean Hospital in 2009. The knowledge stayed with me such that I was able to reproduce treatment on tens or even hundreds of patients. But I really knew neuropathic pain, when I went through it myself. I am currently having treatment for neuropathic pain of my left ulnar nerve, which has been triggered by a fractured pisiform (small, moveable) bone in my left wrist. I understand just what the quality, intensity, the relief you could get from gabapentin, only in this first-hand sense through going through it. I can say I know what neuropathic pain is like with more certainty now.

The same applies to an extent to any real relationship, not just professional collegiate but something like siblings, or a friendship, or even more personal, a courtship, a marriage! There. Nothing tops marriage in terms of relating to someone not yourself right? (perhaps, but not if you believe in the Trinity) How do you know the other? I could read biographies, emails, texts, watch you tube videos or even talk with those closest to this Other Person of interest. But does any of the fans know who President Obama is? Any follower know who Adele is and what her heart aches of? No. Not unless you have actual relationship with this Other Person, you know really know a thing or know for sure. A conversation, at least a meal, a group function, simple shaking of hands, or walk side-by-side, leads to a knowledge you can gain through mere data retranslation, no matter how detailed that data is.

I detest just knowing about someone AND thinking that I know that person or subject. Data and facts don't matter, in this personal and spiritual sense, as a relationship. That's why I give thanks for people who genuinely reveal themselves. THis is not an advocacy for selfish dumping of emotional burdens, but honest, self-revelation. Because it allows another to know The Other truly, with vulnerability. Friends, Brothers, Sisters, and even acquaintances take on a whole new level of trust when self-revelation does happen. Does it then surprise some of you that I seem open on this ever-evolving social network? It probably makes more sense as I AM revealing my thoughts in this blog.

I am most thankful for God's self-revelation. I could have studied, contemplated, dug deep into the heart of the earth, looked as far back and forward into the Cosmos to search for some truth about Him. Romans chapter 1 speaks of this way of knowing about God. But nothing beats knowing God. He is an awesome guy. A Father, A Friend, A Sympathetic Spirit, A Lord, A so, so and so. We do relate to HIm in many ways. Even as our Judge. Oh, on that Day we will really know HIm. But He's always self-revealing back then as He is now. I know Him by hearing HIm in His Word. I can't even begin to reject His person and personality if I haven't heard Him properly. So I'm kind of saying you can't know HIM enough to reject HIm just by reading about HIm through… say Richard Dawkins. You can't even know HIm throughout the greatest and truest theologians, let alone through this blog.

But if you'll have the grace and justice to hear Him, as He speaks and as is recorded through His Word in the Bible and talk to Him in response by prayer, then that is enough to kindle a real relationship. And that is a relationship no one can afford to ignore.

p.s. I have never found HIm cold, distant or silent. He is welcoming, yes honest, but always willing to relate. Jesus said: "Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. Ask and it will be given." He refers to the Kingdom of God (God's very own self, presence and best blessings) in Matthew and LUke when He promises this of His Father. And that is exactly how I have found him.

wandering home

I'm writing under a little time pressure. After recently fracturing my left pisiform bone from a bike-stack, I've been having neuropathic (basically burning nerve) pain in the inner part of the left arm, forearm and hand. In short, the night dose of amitriptyline makes me sleepy within 1hour: I took it 45minutes ago. I also need to rest up before a 12 hour drive with stop tomorrow.

We're moving to Melbourne for a year as of tomorrow. For work, for adventure, for learning, for growing, for closer relationships and for challenges, but ultimately for what? Why leave home, friends, family and most of all comforts? Things were, and God-willing, nice, easy and just right.

My family and Danielle's family have been families of wanderers. Not pointlessly, not unwillingly, but certainly big movers. Danielle had spent several years in rural NSW and San Francisco in her childhood; I of course migrated from Hong Kong with my family and have moved homes 4 times since settling in Australia. All the places we had been to were made "homes".

But as a Christian, I honestly never feel at home, not here, not there. Yes, I have a single residential address, I am an Australian citizen, a permanent citizen of Hong Kong. I also enjoy relaxing in a place that lets me put my feet up, like those Victorian husbands. But, I am still looking for home. Home is this collective memory that we hall have but all realise we haven't got. It's forever elusive. If the place you're presently at is home, then, why change, why modify, why move interstate? Why wander?

I'm not really moving in a sense, as we have our home in NSW still. We have plans to return, to rebuild and to provide stability for kids. That's because I want to give the children a sense of home. More than that, by the Grace of God, I wish they will see that the truest home for all people, not just Christians, is Heaven itself. Now that's HOME, a mansion with many rooms for the children of God, all having access through the Lord to the Father of the mansion, the Centre and Life of the party.

Once there, I will, we will, not wish to move out. It'll be a place where all, once made perfect, will enjoy perfection forever. Paradise, who wants in? And who would wish to leave?

For 2012, Melbourne will do just fine, and have I said that it is a better place than Sydney? As objective as I can be, it is better in many ways. But whilst on Earth, I have earthly vestiges, I linger on the idea of home, so Sydney, however imperfect it is, will be home for now. But I'm clear, that my longing lies elsewhere and further than here. I remain, inwardly, a wanderer.

Good night, the amitriptyline and Danielle are calling me to sleep. I can't even stay up to watch Federer lose to Nadal in the Australian Open semifinal.